The late 1980s and early 1990s were the apex of the rad cultural hero; they appeared in movies like Rad and were the commercial and cultural lynch pins of the most important art form of our generation, video games.
But unlike the heroes of Victorian adventure novels, the Golden Age of comic books, and the WWII era of cheesecake pin-ups, there has been little sadness in their passing and not much in the way of kitchsy merchandising with which to pay an ironic tribute to them. Only in obscure corners of the internet are they still admired.
Karate Party is one of those corners.
With such an inspirational teaser, I’m sure you’re now saying “I want to know more. What were the central precepts of the rad ethos?"
Now, don’t be tempted to turn to more respectable sources of information to answer this question. Dictionary definitions of “rad” prove only why you shouldn’t rely on a dictionary to explain deep philosophical movements. Dictionary.com gives, among several scientific definitions:
Slang. fine; wonderful.
That ain't a definition you can take to the skate park.
This article will try and show, through a process I call ‘sentence fragments’, just what is rad and what is lame.
50 – Johnny Bazookatone
1994 - Johnny Bazookatone - Sega Saturn, PlayStation, 3DO
Rad: Bazooka for a guitar. Pompadour. Sunglasses. Wide stance. Cocky attitude.
Lame: Too much purple. Came with an audio CD featuring a track by one of the M People.
49 – Bonk
First appearance: 1990 - Bonk’s Adventure - TurboGrafx 16
List of all appearances
Rad: In-your-face attitude. Cave man. Infinite tolerance for head butting. Saucy name.
Lame: Is he a bald caveman or just a baby? Babies aren’t that rad, and make the name kind of disturbing.
48 – Low G Man: The Low Gravity Man
1990 - Low G Man: The Low Gravity Man - NES
Rad: Just a guy’s feet. Can apparently beat up robots.
Lame: The second part of the game’s name is basically the same as the first. Top half of him could be a dork.
47 - Sonic the Hedgehog
First appearance: 1991 - Sonic the Hedgehog - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
List of all appearances
Rad: Fast, has a mohawk. Pantless.
Lame: Also has a rat's tail. Too friendly to be truly radical.
46 – Scooter
1990 - Menace Beach - NES
Rad: Skateboard, clenched fists. Knee pads.
Lame: Nerd. Skates widthways and on tiptoes.
45 – One Eye Jack
2001 - No Rules: Get Phat - Game Boy Advance
Rad: Flaming skateboard. Is a child with wrinkles and grey hair like an old man.
Lame: May be trying too hard. Is the radness felt in the soul?
44 – Robo and Mobo Bonanza
1990 - Bonanza Bros. - Arcade
Rad: Bank robbers. Sunglasses. Tough guys.
Lame: This form of radness is not portable to real life; being in jail cramps most styles.
43 – Greendog
1992 - Greendog: The Beached Surfer Dude - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Nice tan. Surfer. Dude.
Lame: Too chilled out. Scenario of game means he can’t actually surf.
42 – Rad Gravity
1990 - The Adventures of Rad Gravity - NES
Rad: Name. Animation makes him look like he’s pulling out his schlong.
Lame: Looks like Dick Clark. Animation makes him look like he’s Dick Clark pulling out his schlong.
41 – Hammerin’ Harry
1990 - Hammerin’ Harry - Arcade
Rad: Hammer. Headband. Red pants. Possible sexual innuendo in name.
Lame: No in-your-faceness or expressions of sass. Just a hard working man who likes hitting people with his hammer.
40 – Dynamite Dux
1988 - Dynamite Dux - Arcade
Rad: Is a duck that blows dogs up with dynamite.
Lame: Looks genuinely psychotic.
39 – Captain Falcon
1990 - F-Zero - SuperNES
Read all about the dreamy Captain Falcon
Rad: Colourful clothes. Cocky pose.
Lame: Looks like a bit of a hard ass. Could just be an angry old guy under that hood.
38 – Larry Koopa
First appearance: 1988 - Super Mario Bros. 3 - NES
List of all appearances
Rad: Mohawk. Attitude.
Lame: Always gets beaten by Mario. Bowser's patsy.
37 – Wild Woody
1995 - Wild Woody - Sega CD
Rad: Highly suggestive.
Lame: Just a pencil.
36 – J.J. & Jeff
1990 - J.J. & Jeff - Turbo Grafx-16
Rad: Nice clothes. Nice hair. Attitude to go around.
Lame: Campy styles. Maybe more than attitude to go around.
35 – Dash Galaxy
1990 - Dash Galaxy in the Alien Asylum - NES
Rad: Space adventure hero. Wavy hair. Lighting bolt on jacket.
Lame: Too square-jawed and clean cut. Gloves too clean.
34 – Shadow the Hedgehog
First appearance: 2001 - Sonic Adventure 2 - Dreamcast
List of all appearances
Rad: Biker. Black clothes. Bad ass version of Sonic.
Lame: Still a hedgehog.
33 – Snowboarder from Heavy Shreddin’
1990 - Heavy Shreddin’ - NES
Rad: Colour scheme. Pink snowboard.
Lame: Colour scheme. Pink snowboard.
32 – Mr. Nutz
1999 - Mr. Nutz - Game Boy Colour
Rad: Highly suggestive. Willing mouth in background.
Lame: Green hair tint. Hasn’t teamed up with Wild Woody.
31 – The Cast of Rock & Roll Racing
1993 - Rock & Roll Racing - SuperNES, Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Future sport. Relishment of hyper violence. Saucy use of tongue.
Cons: Makes driving down the road less fun – radical skill set not easily portable to real life.
30 – Baba Orninion
First appearance: 1998 - F-Zero-X - Nintendo 64
Rad: Leopard skin vest. Sass.
Lame: I suck at F-Zero, so as far as I know he drives like an old lady.
29 – Future Knight
1986 - Future Knight - ZX Spectrum
Rad: Fantasy character with rad sensibilities.
Lame: May just be angry.
28 – ToeJam and Earl
First appearance: 1991 - ToeJam and Earl - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Old skool rap vibe. Sunglasses.
Lame: Could be seen as merely a pigger and origger. British summer camp polka dot shorts.
27 – Worms
First appearance: 1994 - Worms - Amiga
List of all appearances
Rad: Weapons. Attitude.
Lame: Have to wait their turn to play the game – no radical in-your-face character with ‘tude would do that!
26 – The cast of Toobin’
1988 - Toobin' - Arcade
Rad: Haircuts. Sunglasses. Semi-extreme sport.
Lame: Just tubed over a waterfall. Incompetence isn’t rad.
25 – The chick from Rad Racket
1991 - Rad Racket: Deluxe Tennis II - NES
Rad: Hair cut. Hand/eye co-ordination. Is a chick.
Lame: Tennis whites with no radicalisation.
24 – Toki
1989 - Toki - Arcade
Rad: Monkey. Shoots flames and stuff out of his mouth.
Lame: Not sure if anthropomorphic or just a monkey.
23 – Air Zonk
1992, Air Zonk, PC Engine/TurboGrafx 16, Turbo Duo
Rad: Sunglasses. Radical facial expression. Giant thumb.
Lame: Is this just Bonk in different clothing?
22 – Cast of Jet Grind Radio
2000 - Jet Grind Radio - Dreamcast
Rad: Clothes. Eyewear. Graffiti.
Lame: Probably wouldn’t be good in conversation. Likely spray painting environmental messages instead of being rad.
21 – Diddy Kong
First appearance: 1994 - Donkey Kong Country - SuperNES
List of all appearances
Cool: Attitude. Hat.
Lame: Perhaps a little spoiled by Daddy?
20 – Dudes With Attitude
1990 - Dudes With Attitude - NES
Rad: Name. Sunglasses. Eyepatch. Treasure chest on tropical island.
Lame: Don’t know what they’re supposed to be?
19 – Conker
First appearance: 1997 - Diddy Kong Racing - Nintendo 64
List of all appearances
Rad: Violent. Potty mouthed.
Lame: For a laugh he would probably knife you in an alley and dance in your splurting blood.
18 – Mohawk and Headphone Jack
1996 - Mohawk and Headphone Jack - SuperNES
Rad: Mohawk, sunglasses, hand sign, muscly lump of yellow putty.
Lame: Standing in front of 1970s curtains.
17 – Kwirk
1989 - Kwirk - Game Boy
Rad: Sneakers. Sunglasses. Mohawk. Attitude. Hand sign. He’s “The Chilled Tomato.”
Lame: He’s “The Chilled Tomato”!?!
16 – Polterguy
1993 - The Haunting - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Leather jacket. Good attitude towards death.
Lame: Huge forehead. Is a little too keen.
15 – Roy Koopa
1988 - Super Mario Bros. 3 - NES
List of all appearances
Rad: Red sunglasses. Mischievous grin. A joyful trouble maker.
Lame: Always beaten by Mario. Bowser's patsy.
14 – Earthworm Jim
1994 - Earthworm Jim - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
List of all appearances
Rad: Gnarly attitude. One liners.
Lame: Wears a muscle suit. The game’s bonus levels made me frustrated and angry.
13 – Two Crude Dudes
1992 - Two Crude Dudes - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Oiled up bodybuilders. Crudeness
Lame: If you met them after the apocalypse they would definitely eat you.
12 – Sonic Blastman
1992 - Sonic Blastman - SuperNES
Rad: Boxing gloves. Armour. Massive sunglasses.
Lame: Looks like a simple-minded middle-aged man in a Halloween costume who does vigilante deeds but is considered so harmless that the police just let him do whatever.
11 – Shatter Hand
1991 - Shatter Hand - NES
Rad: Master class in subtle accessorising for the radical street warrior.
Lame: Could use a good mousse to flatten the hair.
10 – Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon
1994 - Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon - SuperNES
Rad: Surgeon with his own flame-encircled name on white hat! Has a small ship with lasers.
Lame: Probably works really long hours.
9 – Cool Spot
1993 - Cool Spot - Game Gear, Sega Master System, Amiga, SuperNES, Mega Drive/Genesis, Game Boy, DOS
Rad: Sold lemonade, made loot. Not shy about introducing himself to ladies on the beach.
Lame: Qwirk without the mohawk.
8 – Viewtiful Joe
2003 - Viewtiful Joe - Nintendo GameCube, PS2
Rad: Throwing whole body into gnarly pose. Primary forehand sign, and subtle secondary sign which subliminally whispers ‘radical.’ Only post-2000 character to be truly rad.
Lame: Rhythmic gymnastics ribbon.
7 – Battletoads
First appearance: 1991 - Battletoads - NES
Find out more about the series
Rad: Spiked kneepads. Thirst for violence. ‘tude.
Lame: Game too hard, made a young Mandroid very tetchy.
6a – Duke Nukem
First appearance: 1991 - Duke Nukem - PC
List of all appearances
Rad: Attitude. Overt randiness. Singlet/jacket combo. Sunglasses. Guns. Girls. Flat top.
Lame: I'm sure I heard someone else say "Come Get Some" first.
6 – Bad Street Brawler
1987 - Bad Street Brawler - Arcade, Amiga, Commodore 64, DOS, NES, ZX Spectrum
Rad: Flaming sunglasses. Look that says “I will take proactive steps to kill you.”
Lame: A bit weedy.
5 – Billy "Big Bang" Blitz
1989 - Clash at Demonhead - NES
Rad: Black and metal is one of the great fashion combinations. Dash of red on his headband says “I am thinking violent thoughts”. Subtle Ralph Macchio vibe. Laser gun.
Lame: No skateboard. No cool hand sign.
4 – Kid Kool
1988 - Kid Kool and the Quest for the Seven Wonder Herbs - NES
Rad: Corey Feldman resemblance. Ripped jeans. Hatred of wizards.
Lame: Cartoon friends. No pictured form of transportation. General obscurity.
3 – Zeke
1993 - Zombies Ate My Neighbours - SuperNES, Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Spike hair. Skull t-shirt. 3D glasses. Monster killer.
Lame: Was a LucasArts game, so where's the movie?
2 – Kid Chameleon
1992 - Kid Chameleon - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Leather jacket. Sunglasses. Rolled up jeans. Skateboard. Can morph into everything in the background.
Lame: Nothing, except he isn’t quite…
1 – BMX Ninja
1988 - BMX Ninja - Commodre 64
Rad: Everything.
Lame: Nothing!
Conclusion
Rad game characters do still exist, there were a few on our list. But the majority of newly created 'rad' characters are weak imitations of the heroes of yore. A raised eyebrow here, a mouth opened in a grimace as if to say “Back up, turkey” there. Like many philosophical movements, radness lives on only through pastiche.
By delving through the 50 raddest video game characters and identifying what is rad and what is lame about them I hope we (or I, if you chose to skim read), through a process I call “a war of attrition and endurance”, have come to some deep, primal understanding of radness. Perhaps an understanding which can be applied to our lives.
Bonus Material: Five Groady Video Game Characters
-1 Radical Rex
1994 - Radical Rex - SuperNES
Would you want to see Jurassic Park crossed with Gleaming the Cube? Of course you would, so why isn't Radical Rex radical? Because it looks like someone finally made that awesome film, but pitched it at infants.
-2 – Awesome Possum
1993 - Awesome Possum Kicks Dr. Machino’s Butt! - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Assonance is not rad. Calling yourself awesome is not cool. It's an environmental game, but here in New Zealand possums are a serious pest. Maybe in other countries this is gnarly.
-3 – Wonder Dog
1992 - Wonder Dog - Sega CD
Thumbs up is nice. But head wings, forehead lump of custard, star shine, and the Google letter-colouring scheme are all for dorks.
-4- Fish Dude
1991 - Fish Dude - Game Boy
Putting the word “Dude” behind any old word doesn’t necessarily make it gnarly, putting "Fish" in front of any word immediately makes it lame.
-5 - Punky Skunk
1998 - Punky Skunk - PlayStation
What's next; Emo Eel? Punky Skunk looks like Pepé Le Pew’s nice kid brother. The background reminds me of the video for “Groove Is in the Heart”. He has Sonic's mohawk and makes me tired.
But unlike the heroes of Victorian adventure novels, the Golden Age of comic books, and the WWII era of cheesecake pin-ups, there has been little sadness in their passing and not much in the way of kitchsy merchandising with which to pay an ironic tribute to them. Only in obscure corners of the internet are they still admired.
Karate Party is one of those corners.
With such an inspirational teaser, I’m sure you’re now saying “I want to know more. What were the central precepts of the rad ethos?"
Now, don’t be tempted to turn to more respectable sources of information to answer this question. Dictionary definitions of “rad” prove only why you shouldn’t rely on a dictionary to explain deep philosophical movements. Dictionary.com gives, among several scientific definitions:
Slang. fine; wonderful.
That ain't a definition you can take to the skate park.
This article will try and show, through a process I call ‘sentence fragments’, just what is rad and what is lame.
50 – Johnny Bazookatone
1994 - Johnny Bazookatone - Sega Saturn, PlayStation, 3DO
Rad: Bazooka for a guitar. Pompadour. Sunglasses. Wide stance. Cocky attitude.
Lame: Too much purple. Came with an audio CD featuring a track by one of the M People.
49 – Bonk
First appearance: 1990 - Bonk’s Adventure - TurboGrafx 16
List of all appearances
Rad: In-your-face attitude. Cave man. Infinite tolerance for head butting. Saucy name.
Lame: Is he a bald caveman or just a baby? Babies aren’t that rad, and make the name kind of disturbing.
48 – Low G Man: The Low Gravity Man
1990 - Low G Man: The Low Gravity Man - NES
Rad: Just a guy’s feet. Can apparently beat up robots.
Lame: The second part of the game’s name is basically the same as the first. Top half of him could be a dork.
47 - Sonic the Hedgehog
First appearance: 1991 - Sonic the Hedgehog - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
List of all appearances
Rad: Fast, has a mohawk. Pantless.
Lame: Also has a rat's tail. Too friendly to be truly radical.
46 – Scooter
1990 - Menace Beach - NES
Rad: Skateboard, clenched fists. Knee pads.
Lame: Nerd. Skates widthways and on tiptoes.
45 – One Eye Jack
2001 - No Rules: Get Phat - Game Boy Advance
Rad: Flaming skateboard. Is a child with wrinkles and grey hair like an old man.
Lame: May be trying too hard. Is the radness felt in the soul?
44 – Robo and Mobo Bonanza
1990 - Bonanza Bros. - Arcade
Rad: Bank robbers. Sunglasses. Tough guys.
Lame: This form of radness is not portable to real life; being in jail cramps most styles.
43 – Greendog
1992 - Greendog: The Beached Surfer Dude - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Nice tan. Surfer. Dude.
Lame: Too chilled out. Scenario of game means he can’t actually surf.
42 – Rad Gravity
1990 - The Adventures of Rad Gravity - NES
Rad: Name. Animation makes him look like he’s pulling out his schlong.
Lame: Looks like Dick Clark. Animation makes him look like he’s Dick Clark pulling out his schlong.
41 – Hammerin’ Harry
1990 - Hammerin’ Harry - Arcade
Rad: Hammer. Headband. Red pants. Possible sexual innuendo in name.
Lame: No in-your-faceness or expressions of sass. Just a hard working man who likes hitting people with his hammer.
40 – Dynamite Dux
1988 - Dynamite Dux - Arcade
Rad: Is a duck that blows dogs up with dynamite.
Lame: Looks genuinely psychotic.
39 – Captain Falcon
1990 - F-Zero - SuperNES
Read all about the dreamy Captain Falcon
Rad: Colourful clothes. Cocky pose.
Lame: Looks like a bit of a hard ass. Could just be an angry old guy under that hood.
38 – Larry Koopa
First appearance: 1988 - Super Mario Bros. 3 - NES
List of all appearances
Rad: Mohawk. Attitude.
Lame: Always gets beaten by Mario. Bowser's patsy.
37 – Wild Woody
1995 - Wild Woody - Sega CD
Rad: Highly suggestive.
Lame: Just a pencil.
36 – J.J. & Jeff
1990 - J.J. & Jeff - Turbo Grafx-16
Rad: Nice clothes. Nice hair. Attitude to go around.
Lame: Campy styles. Maybe more than attitude to go around.
35 – Dash Galaxy
1990 - Dash Galaxy in the Alien Asylum - NES
Rad: Space adventure hero. Wavy hair. Lighting bolt on jacket.
Lame: Too square-jawed and clean cut. Gloves too clean.
34 – Shadow the Hedgehog
First appearance: 2001 - Sonic Adventure 2 - Dreamcast
List of all appearances
Rad: Biker. Black clothes. Bad ass version of Sonic.
Lame: Still a hedgehog.
33 – Snowboarder from Heavy Shreddin’
1990 - Heavy Shreddin’ - NES
Rad: Colour scheme. Pink snowboard.
Lame: Colour scheme. Pink snowboard.
32 – Mr. Nutz
1999 - Mr. Nutz - Game Boy Colour
Rad: Highly suggestive. Willing mouth in background.
Lame: Green hair tint. Hasn’t teamed up with Wild Woody.
31 – The Cast of Rock & Roll Racing
1993 - Rock & Roll Racing - SuperNES, Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Future sport. Relishment of hyper violence. Saucy use of tongue.
Cons: Makes driving down the road less fun – radical skill set not easily portable to real life.
30 – Baba Orninion
First appearance: 1998 - F-Zero-X - Nintendo 64
Rad: Leopard skin vest. Sass.
Lame: I suck at F-Zero, so as far as I know he drives like an old lady.
29 – Future Knight
1986 - Future Knight - ZX Spectrum
Rad: Fantasy character with rad sensibilities.
Lame: May just be angry.
28 – ToeJam and Earl
First appearance: 1991 - ToeJam and Earl - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Old skool rap vibe. Sunglasses.
Lame: Could be seen as merely a pigger and origger. British summer camp polka dot shorts.
27 – Worms
First appearance: 1994 - Worms - Amiga
List of all appearances
Rad: Weapons. Attitude.
Lame: Have to wait their turn to play the game – no radical in-your-face character with ‘tude would do that!
26 – The cast of Toobin’
1988 - Toobin' - Arcade
Rad: Haircuts. Sunglasses. Semi-extreme sport.
Lame: Just tubed over a waterfall. Incompetence isn’t rad.
25 – The chick from Rad Racket
1991 - Rad Racket: Deluxe Tennis II - NES
Rad: Hair cut. Hand/eye co-ordination. Is a chick.
Lame: Tennis whites with no radicalisation.
24 – Toki
1989 - Toki - Arcade
Rad: Monkey. Shoots flames and stuff out of his mouth.
Lame: Not sure if anthropomorphic or just a monkey.
23 – Air Zonk
1992, Air Zonk, PC Engine/TurboGrafx 16, Turbo Duo
Rad: Sunglasses. Radical facial expression. Giant thumb.
Lame: Is this just Bonk in different clothing?
22 – Cast of Jet Grind Radio
2000 - Jet Grind Radio - Dreamcast
Rad: Clothes. Eyewear. Graffiti.
Lame: Probably wouldn’t be good in conversation. Likely spray painting environmental messages instead of being rad.
21 – Diddy Kong
First appearance: 1994 - Donkey Kong Country - SuperNES
List of all appearances
Cool: Attitude. Hat.
Lame: Perhaps a little spoiled by Daddy?
20 – Dudes With Attitude
1990 - Dudes With Attitude - NES
Rad: Name. Sunglasses. Eyepatch. Treasure chest on tropical island.
Lame: Don’t know what they’re supposed to be?
19 – Conker
First appearance: 1997 - Diddy Kong Racing - Nintendo 64
List of all appearances
Rad: Violent. Potty mouthed.
Lame: For a laugh he would probably knife you in an alley and dance in your splurting blood.
18 – Mohawk and Headphone Jack
1996 - Mohawk and Headphone Jack - SuperNES
Rad: Mohawk, sunglasses, hand sign, muscly lump of yellow putty.
Lame: Standing in front of 1970s curtains.
17 – Kwirk
1989 - Kwirk - Game Boy
Rad: Sneakers. Sunglasses. Mohawk. Attitude. Hand sign. He’s “The Chilled Tomato.”
Lame: He’s “The Chilled Tomato”!?!
16 – Polterguy
1993 - The Haunting - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Leather jacket. Good attitude towards death.
Lame: Huge forehead. Is a little too keen.
15 – Roy Koopa
1988 - Super Mario Bros. 3 - NES
List of all appearances
Rad: Red sunglasses. Mischievous grin. A joyful trouble maker.
Lame: Always beaten by Mario. Bowser's patsy.
14 – Earthworm Jim
1994 - Earthworm Jim - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
List of all appearances
Rad: Gnarly attitude. One liners.
Lame: Wears a muscle suit. The game’s bonus levels made me frustrated and angry.
13 – Two Crude Dudes
1992 - Two Crude Dudes - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Oiled up bodybuilders. Crudeness
Lame: If you met them after the apocalypse they would definitely eat you.
12 – Sonic Blastman
1992 - Sonic Blastman - SuperNES
Rad: Boxing gloves. Armour. Massive sunglasses.
Lame: Looks like a simple-minded middle-aged man in a Halloween costume who does vigilante deeds but is considered so harmless that the police just let him do whatever.
11 – Shatter Hand
1991 - Shatter Hand - NES
Rad: Master class in subtle accessorising for the radical street warrior.
Lame: Could use a good mousse to flatten the hair.
10 – Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon
1994 - Rex Ronan: Experimental Surgeon - SuperNES
Rad: Surgeon with his own flame-encircled name on white hat! Has a small ship with lasers.
Lame: Probably works really long hours.
9 – Cool Spot
1993 - Cool Spot - Game Gear, Sega Master System, Amiga, SuperNES, Mega Drive/Genesis, Game Boy, DOS
Rad: Sold lemonade, made loot. Not shy about introducing himself to ladies on the beach.
Lame: Qwirk without the mohawk.
8 – Viewtiful Joe
2003 - Viewtiful Joe - Nintendo GameCube, PS2
Rad: Throwing whole body into gnarly pose. Primary forehand sign, and subtle secondary sign which subliminally whispers ‘radical.’ Only post-2000 character to be truly rad.
Lame: Rhythmic gymnastics ribbon.
7 – Battletoads
First appearance: 1991 - Battletoads - NES
Find out more about the series
Rad: Spiked kneepads. Thirst for violence. ‘tude.
Lame: Game too hard, made a young Mandroid very tetchy.
6a – Duke Nukem
First appearance: 1991 - Duke Nukem - PC
List of all appearances
Rad: Attitude. Overt randiness. Singlet/jacket combo. Sunglasses. Guns. Girls. Flat top.
Lame: I'm sure I heard someone else say "Come Get Some" first.
6 – Bad Street Brawler
1987 - Bad Street Brawler - Arcade, Amiga, Commodore 64, DOS, NES, ZX Spectrum
Rad: Flaming sunglasses. Look that says “I will take proactive steps to kill you.”
Lame: A bit weedy.
5 – Billy "Big Bang" Blitz
1989 - Clash at Demonhead - NES
Rad: Black and metal is one of the great fashion combinations. Dash of red on his headband says “I am thinking violent thoughts”. Subtle Ralph Macchio vibe. Laser gun.
Lame: No skateboard. No cool hand sign.
4 – Kid Kool
1988 - Kid Kool and the Quest for the Seven Wonder Herbs - NES
Rad: Corey Feldman resemblance. Ripped jeans. Hatred of wizards.
Lame: Cartoon friends. No pictured form of transportation. General obscurity.
3 – Zeke
1993 - Zombies Ate My Neighbours - SuperNES, Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Spike hair. Skull t-shirt. 3D glasses. Monster killer.
Lame: Was a LucasArts game, so where's the movie?
2 – Kid Chameleon
1992 - Kid Chameleon - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Rad: Leather jacket. Sunglasses. Rolled up jeans. Skateboard. Can morph into everything in the background.
Lame: Nothing, except he isn’t quite…
1 – BMX Ninja
1988 - BMX Ninja - Commodre 64
Rad: Everything.
Lame: Nothing!
Conclusion
Rad game characters do still exist, there were a few on our list. But the majority of newly created 'rad' characters are weak imitations of the heroes of yore. A raised eyebrow here, a mouth opened in a grimace as if to say “Back up, turkey” there. Like many philosophical movements, radness lives on only through pastiche.
By delving through the 50 raddest video game characters and identifying what is rad and what is lame about them I hope we (or I, if you chose to skim read), through a process I call “a war of attrition and endurance”, have come to some deep, primal understanding of radness. Perhaps an understanding which can be applied to our lives.
Bonus Material: Five Groady Video Game Characters
-1 Radical Rex
1994 - Radical Rex - SuperNES
Would you want to see Jurassic Park crossed with Gleaming the Cube? Of course you would, so why isn't Radical Rex radical? Because it looks like someone finally made that awesome film, but pitched it at infants.
-2 – Awesome Possum
1993 - Awesome Possum Kicks Dr. Machino’s Butt! - Sega Mega Drive/Genesis
Assonance is not rad. Calling yourself awesome is not cool. It's an environmental game, but here in New Zealand possums are a serious pest. Maybe in other countries this is gnarly.
-3 – Wonder Dog
1992 - Wonder Dog - Sega CD
Thumbs up is nice. But head wings, forehead lump of custard, star shine, and the Google letter-colouring scheme are all for dorks.
-4- Fish Dude
1991 - Fish Dude - Game Boy
Putting the word “Dude” behind any old word doesn’t necessarily make it gnarly, putting "Fish" in front of any word immediately makes it lame.
-5 - Punky Skunk
1998 - Punky Skunk - PlayStation
What's next; Emo Eel? Punky Skunk looks like Pepé Le Pew’s nice kid brother. The background reminds me of the video for “Groove Is in the Heart”. He has Sonic's mohawk and makes me tired.
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