The 100 Worst Martial Arts Movie Names
Written by Mandroid3000
Martial arts films have a proud history of unusual naming practices. For one thing, it’s not uncommon for a film to have a ridiculous number of different titles. Take for example Jackie Chan’s Police Story 4 – according to the IMDb it is also known (in English) as First Strike, Jackie Chan's First Strike, Police Story 4: First Strike, Police Story 4: Piece of Cake, Police Story 4: Story of the CIA, and Story of the CIA.
And those are all titles that makes sense. Often the English language titles that films from Hong Kong or Taiwan end up with are random combinations of words like “Shaolin”, “Fist”, “Eagle”, and “Bruce”. It’s frankly amazing that there isn’t a film called Bruce and the Shaolin Eagle Fist (though there is a Bruce and the Dragon Fist).
After trawling through thousands of pages on IMDb, I have compiled what I believe to be the 100 worst martial arts movie names in existence. Some of these titles are just one of the many a film is known by. But that still means that somewhere at some time, these films were marketed under these names.
I’ve avoided using the literal English translations provided for some titles on IMDb as these aren't that were actually used – do check out the appendix for some of the humorous ones I came across though. I also have stuck to movies from the late '60s onwards, as some of the older Hong Kong films have such long-winded and descriptive titles that they’re a genre unto themselves. For example: How the Woman Security Escort Thrice Fought the Hero with the Magnificent Whip from 1949 (IMDb details) and Hu Weiqian Smashes the Engine Room from 1939 (IMDb details).
Let’s get started with the countdown. I can't tell you exactly how they were ranked because I used such a sophisticated statistical system that the internet would explode if I tried to explain it.
IMPORTANT: This list says absolutely nothing about the quality of the films themselves.
100 - Naked Fist (IMDb)
A naked fist isn’t exactly a saucy taboo and this title is a serious undersell, as in one scene the film’s female star fights in only her panties.
99 - Police Woman Against Jackie Chan (IMDb)
I have actually seen this cheap piece of crap (possibly originally called simply Police Woman) that Jackie Chan made before he was famous. It was also retitled Rumble in Hong Kong to cash in on Rumble in the Bronx. Jackie Chan is in it briefly and has a giant fake mole on his face. Also, the producers pinched Curtis Mayfield's soundtrack to Superfly.
98 - A Fistful of Talons (IMDb)
If you had talons you’d be a lot more dangerous if you didn’t make a fist.
97 - Urban Martial Arts Action (IMDb)
It sounds like the type of uninspired titles they use to give Sega Master System games. This 2004 South Korean film has been wisely retitled Arahan, and actually looks like it’s pretty good.
96 – Bruce Li in New Guinea (IMDb)
Other than the word “In”, is there anything in that title that would appeal to anyone? Okay, other than the word “New” as well?
95 - Angry Fist (IMDb)
Who hurt you, little fist. Who made you cry?
94 - Angel of Kickboxer (IMDb)
Does the kickboxer have a guardian angel, or is the kickboxer the angel? An alternate title is Angel the Kickboxer, but then there’s no character on the cast list called Angel. That’s probably why they went with the prosaic Honor and Glory.
93 - Strike of the Thunderkick Tiger (IMDb)
Why would a tiger resort to kicking someone? Despite a silly title for the movie, this does star the actor with the best name in martial arts cinema….Casanova Wong.
92 - Laughing Tai Chi (IMDb)
From the director of Drunken Master (and the fight choreographer of everything else). Maybe in the East, Tai Chi isn’t synonymous with elderly people’s morning exercises.
91 - Two in a Black Belt (IMDb)
This sounds kind of saucy. But the only information about it is the claim that it stars Jackie Chan – it’s listed on all his filmographies, but there seems to be no other information about it. Does it even exist?
90 - Dragon vs. Needles of Death (IMDb)
I too have trouble sewing on buttons.
89 - Faster Blade, Poisonous Darts (IMDb)
Faster than what?
88 - Dagger, Flying (IMDb)
Quite poetic, though people might be worried that it’s a twelve hour Warhol film. It’s really a HK martial arts/fantasy with characters called “Big Bewitchment” and “Invincible Death”. Sounds fun.
87 - Against Rascals with Kung Fu (IMDb)
Do the rascals have Kung Fu, or does our hero fight them with his/her Kung Fu? It's alternate title, Wild Bunch of Kung Fu, makes sense but reeks of unoriginality.
86 – Slice of Death (IMDb)
This Shaw Brothers film sounds like a bad piece of cake.
85 - Lost Samurai Sword (IMDb)
Let me know when you find it.
84 - Farewell Buddy (IMDb)
John Woo’s directorial debut!
83 - Magnificent Acrobats (IMDb)
I haven’t been into acrobats for, at least, three years. The film sounds like it’s half decent, a film must be good to boast nine different English titles. I predict everyone on the planet will wind up seeing it at least twice.
82 – Eight Diagram Cudgel (IMDb)
Don’t ask why, but to me this sounds like a Bergman film.
81 - Re-enter the Dragon (IMDb)
Like that will fool anyone. Stars Bruce Le.
80 – Arhats in Fury (IMDb)
The film sounds okay – but that title makes me think of religious kids who got hold of a bottle of hooch.
79 – Invincible Obsessed Fighter (IMDb)
Being invincible, he’ll probably succeed at what he has his mind set on.
78 – Fist of Unicorn (IMDb)
Being a mythical creature we can’t say for sure that a unicorn didn’t have fists. But the actor Unicorn Chan did. There’s some interesting trivia surrounding this film: Unicorn was childhood friends with Bruce Lee, and Lee did some fight choreography on this film. The producers, sensing some fat loot, took shots of Lee and edited them in. Lee died shortly after and the tag line “The most exciting kung fu picture ever directed by Bruce Lee” was tacked on, as well as titles such as Bruce Lee and I and Force of Bruce Lee's Fist.
77 – When Taekwondo Strikes (IMDb)
Taekwondo doesn’t strike people…people strike people. Stop blaming Taekwondo!
76 – Ninja Checkmate (IMDb)
It’s checkmate against the unwary renter, as the film has no ninjas in it.
75 – Shaolin Kung Fu Mystagogue (IMDb)
A mystagogue is a person who initiates others into mystic beliefs. And no, I did not know that off the top of my head.
74 – Mean Streets of Kung Fu (IMDb)
As far as I know, Kung Fu isn’t a place
73 – Hard Way to Die (IMDb)
This title is beautiful. It’s not that it’s hard to kill the hero, the hero has just found a really difficult way to go about dying.
72 – Invisible Boxer (IMDb)
This may work better on paper.
71 – Bronson Lee, Champion (IMDb)
Not content with exploiting Bruce Lee’s name, he’s merged with Charles Bronson and made a champion. Its other name, The Karate, is just plain dull.
70 – Fists to Fight (IMDb)
Are you going to fight with those? This film is better known as New Fist of Fury, from the Jackie Chan era when he was forced to imitate Bruce Lee.
69 – Thundering Ninja (IMDb)
“Thundering” is not usually associated with ninjas. I guess that’s why the Thundering Ninja is special enough to have his own movie.
68 – The Avenging Boxing (IMDb)
Are there a special set of punches you use when seeking vengeance?
67 – Invincible Super Chan (IMDb)
Banned in 34 countries? Super Chan sounds like he made the most of his invincibility.
66 – Best Is the Highest (IMDb)
Is this a tautology? Is this a Zen trick to clear the mind?
65 – A Fist Too Fast (IMDb)
Too fast for what?
64 – Zen of Sword (IMDb)
It’s easy to clear your mind when you’re a piece of metal.
63 – The Black Dragon Revenges the Death of Bruce Lee (IMDb)
If I die of a cerebral edema, I hope someone get some revenges on it too.
62 – Deadly Snail vs. Kung Fu Killers (IMDb)
Who to root for?
61 – Blind Fists of Bruce (IMDb)
Everyone known that the real Bruce Lee had eyeballs in his knuckles.
60 – My Kung-Fu 12 Kicks (IMDb)
Reminds me of My First Lego.
59 – Snake and Crane Secret (IMDb)
Keep it!
58 – The Crazy Group (IMDb)
The Wild Bunch? Uh no, it’s The Crazy Group. In this spot I would have also accepted The Mad Gang, The Loopy Troupe, and The Nutzoid Dozen.
57 – Fistful of the Dragon (IMDb)
Fistful of Dollars, I understand. What is the point of having a fist full of dragon?
56 – Little Mad Guy (IMDb)
Not the Napoleon film Kubrick wanted to make, a film about “Little Fatty” that seems to have been forgotten by the world.
55 – Strife for Mastery (IMDb)
Sounds like a well-liked film by Kung Fu film fans, but the title, well, when has that ever held a Kung Fu film back?
54 – Sweet Is Revenge (IMDb)
Is it yes.
53 – Boxers of Loyalty and Righteousness (IMDb)
Are they like those Christian guys who do feats of strength?
52 – Deadly Shaolin Longfist (IMDb)
I have never seen any sort of ‘Tale of the Tape’ where the length of one’s fists was measured.
51 – Drunk Shaolin Challenges Ninja (IMDb)
If I was stumbling drunk around Courtenay Place at 3am and saw a ninja, I’d probably try and pick a fight too. Our fight would not be as good as this film.
50 – Ninja Black List (IMDb)
Does it mean they kill you or stop hiring you?
49 – In Eagle Dragon Fist (IMDb)
Even if an “Eagle Dragon” had a fist…what would you do in it? This Jackie Chan film did far better under the simple title Dragon Fist.
48 – Shaolin Invincible Guys (IMDb)
They may be invincible, but they sound like you could hang with them.
47 – The Funny Man and ??? Boxing (No IMDb details!)
This title reminds me of financial columns where the columnist has clearly left a “$##.##” for someone to replace with the current stock price just before publication, but that someone forgot.
46 – Duel of the Tough (IMDb)
As opposed to a fight between pansies?
45 – Handlock (IMDb)
Hand locks are a useful move, but are they enough to sustain a movie? The film is also known as Shaolin Handlock which isn’t much more exciting.
44 – Jeet Kune the Claws and the Supreme Kung Fu (IMDb)
That’s a lot of words…Jeet Kune Do was the martial art created by Bruce Lee. It’s nice to see a title that tries to exploit his legacy from a new angle (as opposed to the alternative titles Chinese Connection III and Fist of Fury III).
43 – Bad Ninjas Wear Gold (IMDb)
With a title like that I am stunned, absolutely stunned, at the lack of information on the web about this film.
42 – One-Armed Swordsman Annihilates the Nine Disciples of Chu School (IMDb)
A good title if you want to be absolutely clear on what you’ll be getting.
41 - Cut-Throat Struggle for an Invaluable Treasure (IMDb)
That’s more of a log line than a title.
40 – Secret of the Shaolin Poles (IMDb)
An unfortunate title for what sounds like a pretty good film.
39 – Eagle Claw, Snake Fist, Cat's Paw, Part 2 (IMDb)
This film has become slightly better known under the title Drunken Master.
38 – Goose Boxer (IMDb)
By all accounts this is a pretty entertaining comedy/kung fu film. Fyi - directed by Tommy Lee.
37 – Flash Legs (IMDb)
Another good film with a silly title. It sounds like an ’80s dancestravaganza.
36 – Born to Defence (IMDb)
This could be about a kid who becomes the legal ward of the entire Dallas Cowboys defensive team, and they have to take turns feeding him between plays and…actually it’s Jet Li’s only directorial effort to date
35 – Ninja: American Samurai (IMDb)
It’s main title, American Samurai, is clearly trying to evoke memories of Dudikoff in American Ninja. But Ninja: American Samurai is like a lumbering oaf playing Twister.
34 – Bruce Is Loose (IMDb)
I would have preferred Bruce Is Loose From the Grave.
33 – Kill Without Compensation (IMDb)
What this film is about seems to be lost to the mists of time, as not even the all-seeing internet is able to enlighten me. I like to imagine, when I’m lying awake at night listening to the cicadas, that this film is about workplace regulations.
32 – Bruce Has Risen (IMDb)
This takes the spot I set aside for parasitic promises of Bruce Lee’s resurrection. I find its main rival, Bruce Lee Fights Back From the Grave, to be too competently ghoulish. An alternative title, Wanted! Bruce Li, Dead or Alive, is wishful thinking.
31 – The Fight for Shaolin Tamo Mystique (IMDb)
It’s alternative title Kung Fu Halloween is about a thousand times more appealing. But again I am shocked, shocked, at the lack of information on the internet about a film called Kung Fu Halloween. Fyi – Tamo was a legendary Budhhist monk.
30 – The 36 Shaolin Beads (IMDb)
I think any multivariate study of consumer tastes would bear out my theory that kung fu movies fans aren’t big purchasers of the BeDazzler. It’s also known as The Gloomy Tower, which sounds like a Stephen King book, and Shaolin Exterminator which sounds like an actual movie title.
29 – Bloody Ring (IMDb)
While this title makes me think bad thoughts, the altertnate title Magic Magicians, is a redundant expression. This does star Samo Hung. He’s good.
28 – Kick or Die (IMDb)
1 - The title reminds me of Skate or Die!. 2 – Any peril you can kick your way out of just doesn’t seem that big a deal. This plot summary is worth reading though.
27 – Swordsman with an Umbrella (IMDb)
I wear a raincoat because Wellington’s too windy for umbrellas. Oh, you don’t care? Point proven.
26 – The Leg Fighters (IMDb)
What could someone possibly have against legs!
25 – Every Victorious Hall (IMDb)
Failing to find any information on this film, I fear I will be in a constant state of bafflement for the rest of my life.
24 – My Name Called Bruce (IMDb)
At least the title They Call Me Bruce? makes sense and the movie is a comedy.
23 – Ninja Supremo (IMDb)
I don’t feel that “Supremo” really captures they significance of the boss of ninjas.
22 – Flying Sword and the Smart Lad (IMDb)
Smart Lad must be pissed he didn’t get top billing.
21 – Bruce vs. Bill (IMDb)
I could go to my local bogan bar any night of the week if I wanted to see guys with those names fighting.
20 – Screaming Ninja (IMDb and IMDb)
He probably doesn’t bother hiding in the shadows. Screaming Ninja is a title so awesome, two films have claimed it.
19 – The Fourth Largest Shaolin Temple (IMDb)
Interestingly, IMDb lists the literal translation of this title as Four Shaolin Temples.
18 – Patrol Horse (IMDb)
This film, directed by Ronny Yu and starring Chow Yun Fat, isn’t done any favours by that name. Patrol of Horses is slightly better. The Postman Fights Back and The Postman Strikes Back raise fears of Kevin Costner.
17 – Dumb Boxer (IMDb)
They said it, not me.
16 – Woman Certain Kill Fist (IMDb)
Thankfully this is better known as Sister Street Fighter.
15 – Black Jim Smashes All (IMDb)
If you call him that you can’t really blame him.
14 – Dirty Ho (IMDb)
An unfortunate title for a decent film.
13 – The Hung Boxing Kid (IMDb)
Effect of title probably unintentional.
12 – Kung Fu Master Named Drunk Cat (IMDb)
The exploits of Drunk Cat seem to be lost to the world. Alas.
11 - Shaolin Chastity Kung Fu (IMDb)
This is just a creepy, creepy name for a movie. Ladies, do not go out with a guy who’s a member of this college club.
10 – The Dumb Ox (IMDb)
He sounds like a wonderful protagonist to follow on his “journey”.
9 – Golden Swallow (IMDb)
For every unsanitary fetish there’s a website and a movie.
8 – Hero Defeating Japs (IMDb)
It’s to the point. Note: this films features ninjas!
7 – Deep Thrust: The Hand of Death (IMDb)
For every violent fetish there’s a website and a movie.
6 – Bruce's Fingers (IMDb)
When I was a kid I had a picture book called Grandpa’s Teeth.
5 – Bloody Handkerchief (IMDb)
This film should be about a trip to the doctor.
4 – Kung Fu Leung Strikes Emanuelle (IMDb)
Emanuelle, if you don’t know, was a famous French soft porn film that spawned many sequels. From this title I imagine the Hong Kong knock off involves Emanuelle “getting the bash”, as we say in New Zealand. How this film can also be known as Ninja in the Claws of the CIA is beyond me.
3 – Letter to Daddy (IMDb)
It was a smart choice to go with Jet Li's The Enforcer as the DVD title.
2 – Tough Beauty and the Sloppy Slop (IMDb)
Nothing can be said here.
1 – Against the Drunken Cat Paws (IMDb)
While Tough Beauty and the Sloppy Slop seems crazy at first glance, it doesn’t get crazier the more you think about it. Against the Drunken Cat Paws does, and that is why it is the champion!
Written by Mandroid3000
Martial arts films have a proud history of unusual naming practices. For one thing, it’s not uncommon for a film to have a ridiculous number of different titles. Take for example Jackie Chan’s Police Story 4 – according to the IMDb it is also known (in English) as First Strike, Jackie Chan's First Strike, Police Story 4: First Strike, Police Story 4: Piece of Cake, Police Story 4: Story of the CIA, and Story of the CIA.
And those are all titles that makes sense. Often the English language titles that films from Hong Kong or Taiwan end up with are random combinations of words like “Shaolin”, “Fist”, “Eagle”, and “Bruce”. It’s frankly amazing that there isn’t a film called Bruce and the Shaolin Eagle Fist (though there is a Bruce and the Dragon Fist).
After trawling through thousands of pages on IMDb, I have compiled what I believe to be the 100 worst martial arts movie names in existence. Some of these titles are just one of the many a film is known by. But that still means that somewhere at some time, these films were marketed under these names.
I’ve avoided using the literal English translations provided for some titles on IMDb as these aren't that were actually used – do check out the appendix for some of the humorous ones I came across though. I also have stuck to movies from the late '60s onwards, as some of the older Hong Kong films have such long-winded and descriptive titles that they’re a genre unto themselves. For example: How the Woman Security Escort Thrice Fought the Hero with the Magnificent Whip from 1949 (IMDb details) and Hu Weiqian Smashes the Engine Room from 1939 (IMDb details).
Let’s get started with the countdown. I can't tell you exactly how they were ranked because I used such a sophisticated statistical system that the internet would explode if I tried to explain it.
IMPORTANT: This list says absolutely nothing about the quality of the films themselves.
100 - Naked Fist (IMDb)
A naked fist isn’t exactly a saucy taboo and this title is a serious undersell, as in one scene the film’s female star fights in only her panties.
99 - Police Woman Against Jackie Chan (IMDb)
I have actually seen this cheap piece of crap (possibly originally called simply Police Woman) that Jackie Chan made before he was famous. It was also retitled Rumble in Hong Kong to cash in on Rumble in the Bronx. Jackie Chan is in it briefly and has a giant fake mole on his face. Also, the producers pinched Curtis Mayfield's soundtrack to Superfly.
98 - A Fistful of Talons (IMDb)
If you had talons you’d be a lot more dangerous if you didn’t make a fist.
97 - Urban Martial Arts Action (IMDb)
It sounds like the type of uninspired titles they use to give Sega Master System games. This 2004 South Korean film has been wisely retitled Arahan, and actually looks like it’s pretty good.
96 – Bruce Li in New Guinea (IMDb)
Other than the word “In”, is there anything in that title that would appeal to anyone? Okay, other than the word “New” as well?
95 - Angry Fist (IMDb)
Who hurt you, little fist. Who made you cry?
94 - Angel of Kickboxer (IMDb)
Does the kickboxer have a guardian angel, or is the kickboxer the angel? An alternate title is Angel the Kickboxer, but then there’s no character on the cast list called Angel. That’s probably why they went with the prosaic Honor and Glory.
93 - Strike of the Thunderkick Tiger (IMDb)
Why would a tiger resort to kicking someone? Despite a silly title for the movie, this does star the actor with the best name in martial arts cinema….Casanova Wong.
92 - Laughing Tai Chi (IMDb)
From the director of Drunken Master (and the fight choreographer of everything else). Maybe in the East, Tai Chi isn’t synonymous with elderly people’s morning exercises.
91 - Two in a Black Belt (IMDb)
This sounds kind of saucy. But the only information about it is the claim that it stars Jackie Chan – it’s listed on all his filmographies, but there seems to be no other information about it. Does it even exist?
90 - Dragon vs. Needles of Death (IMDb)
I too have trouble sewing on buttons.
89 - Faster Blade, Poisonous Darts (IMDb)
Faster than what?
88 - Dagger, Flying (IMDb)
Quite poetic, though people might be worried that it’s a twelve hour Warhol film. It’s really a HK martial arts/fantasy with characters called “Big Bewitchment” and “Invincible Death”. Sounds fun.
87 - Against Rascals with Kung Fu (IMDb)
Do the rascals have Kung Fu, or does our hero fight them with his/her Kung Fu? It's alternate title, Wild Bunch of Kung Fu, makes sense but reeks of unoriginality.
86 – Slice of Death (IMDb)
This Shaw Brothers film sounds like a bad piece of cake.
85 - Lost Samurai Sword (IMDb)
Let me know when you find it.
84 - Farewell Buddy (IMDb)
John Woo’s directorial debut!
83 - Magnificent Acrobats (IMDb)
I haven’t been into acrobats for, at least, three years. The film sounds like it’s half decent, a film must be good to boast nine different English titles. I predict everyone on the planet will wind up seeing it at least twice.
82 – Eight Diagram Cudgel (IMDb)
Don’t ask why, but to me this sounds like a Bergman film.
81 - Re-enter the Dragon (IMDb)
Like that will fool anyone. Stars Bruce Le.
80 – Arhats in Fury (IMDb)
The film sounds okay – but that title makes me think of religious kids who got hold of a bottle of hooch.
79 – Invincible Obsessed Fighter (IMDb)
Being invincible, he’ll probably succeed at what he has his mind set on.
78 – Fist of Unicorn (IMDb)
Being a mythical creature we can’t say for sure that a unicorn didn’t have fists. But the actor Unicorn Chan did. There’s some interesting trivia surrounding this film: Unicorn was childhood friends with Bruce Lee, and Lee did some fight choreography on this film. The producers, sensing some fat loot, took shots of Lee and edited them in. Lee died shortly after and the tag line “The most exciting kung fu picture ever directed by Bruce Lee” was tacked on, as well as titles such as Bruce Lee and I and Force of Bruce Lee's Fist.
77 – When Taekwondo Strikes (IMDb)
Taekwondo doesn’t strike people…people strike people. Stop blaming Taekwondo!
76 – Ninja Checkmate (IMDb)
It’s checkmate against the unwary renter, as the film has no ninjas in it.
75 – Shaolin Kung Fu Mystagogue (IMDb)
A mystagogue is a person who initiates others into mystic beliefs. And no, I did not know that off the top of my head.
74 – Mean Streets of Kung Fu (IMDb)
As far as I know, Kung Fu isn’t a place
73 – Hard Way to Die (IMDb)
This title is beautiful. It’s not that it’s hard to kill the hero, the hero has just found a really difficult way to go about dying.
72 – Invisible Boxer (IMDb)
This may work better on paper.
71 – Bronson Lee, Champion (IMDb)
Not content with exploiting Bruce Lee’s name, he’s merged with Charles Bronson and made a champion. Its other name, The Karate, is just plain dull.
70 – Fists to Fight (IMDb)
Are you going to fight with those? This film is better known as New Fist of Fury, from the Jackie Chan era when he was forced to imitate Bruce Lee.
69 – Thundering Ninja (IMDb)
“Thundering” is not usually associated with ninjas. I guess that’s why the Thundering Ninja is special enough to have his own movie.
68 – The Avenging Boxing (IMDb)
Are there a special set of punches you use when seeking vengeance?
67 – Invincible Super Chan (IMDb)
Banned in 34 countries? Super Chan sounds like he made the most of his invincibility.
66 – Best Is the Highest (IMDb)
Is this a tautology? Is this a Zen trick to clear the mind?
65 – A Fist Too Fast (IMDb)
Too fast for what?
64 – Zen of Sword (IMDb)
It’s easy to clear your mind when you’re a piece of metal.
63 – The Black Dragon Revenges the Death of Bruce Lee (IMDb)
If I die of a cerebral edema, I hope someone get some revenges on it too.
62 – Deadly Snail vs. Kung Fu Killers (IMDb)
Who to root for?
61 – Blind Fists of Bruce (IMDb)
Everyone known that the real Bruce Lee had eyeballs in his knuckles.
60 – My Kung-Fu 12 Kicks (IMDb)
Reminds me of My First Lego.
59 – Snake and Crane Secret (IMDb)
Keep it!
58 – The Crazy Group (IMDb)
The Wild Bunch? Uh no, it’s The Crazy Group. In this spot I would have also accepted The Mad Gang, The Loopy Troupe, and The Nutzoid Dozen.
57 – Fistful of the Dragon (IMDb)
Fistful of Dollars, I understand. What is the point of having a fist full of dragon?
56 – Little Mad Guy (IMDb)
Not the Napoleon film Kubrick wanted to make, a film about “Little Fatty” that seems to have been forgotten by the world.
55 – Strife for Mastery (IMDb)
Sounds like a well-liked film by Kung Fu film fans, but the title, well, when has that ever held a Kung Fu film back?
54 – Sweet Is Revenge (IMDb)
Is it yes.
53 – Boxers of Loyalty and Righteousness (IMDb)
Are they like those Christian guys who do feats of strength?
52 – Deadly Shaolin Longfist (IMDb)
I have never seen any sort of ‘Tale of the Tape’ where the length of one’s fists was measured.
51 – Drunk Shaolin Challenges Ninja (IMDb)
If I was stumbling drunk around Courtenay Place at 3am and saw a ninja, I’d probably try and pick a fight too. Our fight would not be as good as this film.
50 – Ninja Black List (IMDb)
Does it mean they kill you or stop hiring you?
49 – In Eagle Dragon Fist (IMDb)
Even if an “Eagle Dragon” had a fist…what would you do in it? This Jackie Chan film did far better under the simple title Dragon Fist.
48 – Shaolin Invincible Guys (IMDb)
They may be invincible, but they sound like you could hang with them.
47 – The Funny Man and ??? Boxing (No IMDb details!)
This title reminds me of financial columns where the columnist has clearly left a “$##.##” for someone to replace with the current stock price just before publication, but that someone forgot.
46 – Duel of the Tough (IMDb)
As opposed to a fight between pansies?
45 – Handlock (IMDb)
Hand locks are a useful move, but are they enough to sustain a movie? The film is also known as Shaolin Handlock which isn’t much more exciting.
44 – Jeet Kune the Claws and the Supreme Kung Fu (IMDb)
That’s a lot of words…Jeet Kune Do was the martial art created by Bruce Lee. It’s nice to see a title that tries to exploit his legacy from a new angle (as opposed to the alternative titles Chinese Connection III and Fist of Fury III).
43 – Bad Ninjas Wear Gold (IMDb)
With a title like that I am stunned, absolutely stunned, at the lack of information on the web about this film.
42 – One-Armed Swordsman Annihilates the Nine Disciples of Chu School (IMDb)
A good title if you want to be absolutely clear on what you’ll be getting.
41 - Cut-Throat Struggle for an Invaluable Treasure (IMDb)
That’s more of a log line than a title.
40 – Secret of the Shaolin Poles (IMDb)
An unfortunate title for what sounds like a pretty good film.
39 – Eagle Claw, Snake Fist, Cat's Paw, Part 2 (IMDb)
This film has become slightly better known under the title Drunken Master.
38 – Goose Boxer (IMDb)
By all accounts this is a pretty entertaining comedy/kung fu film. Fyi - directed by Tommy Lee.
37 – Flash Legs (IMDb)
Another good film with a silly title. It sounds like an ’80s dancestravaganza.
36 – Born to Defence (IMDb)
This could be about a kid who becomes the legal ward of the entire Dallas Cowboys defensive team, and they have to take turns feeding him between plays and…actually it’s Jet Li’s only directorial effort to date
35 – Ninja: American Samurai (IMDb)
It’s main title, American Samurai, is clearly trying to evoke memories of Dudikoff in American Ninja. But Ninja: American Samurai is like a lumbering oaf playing Twister.
34 – Bruce Is Loose (IMDb)
I would have preferred Bruce Is Loose From the Grave.
33 – Kill Without Compensation (IMDb)
What this film is about seems to be lost to the mists of time, as not even the all-seeing internet is able to enlighten me. I like to imagine, when I’m lying awake at night listening to the cicadas, that this film is about workplace regulations.
32 – Bruce Has Risen (IMDb)
This takes the spot I set aside for parasitic promises of Bruce Lee’s resurrection. I find its main rival, Bruce Lee Fights Back From the Grave, to be too competently ghoulish. An alternative title, Wanted! Bruce Li, Dead or Alive, is wishful thinking.
31 – The Fight for Shaolin Tamo Mystique (IMDb)
It’s alternative title Kung Fu Halloween is about a thousand times more appealing. But again I am shocked, shocked, at the lack of information on the internet about a film called Kung Fu Halloween. Fyi – Tamo was a legendary Budhhist monk.
30 – The 36 Shaolin Beads (IMDb)
I think any multivariate study of consumer tastes would bear out my theory that kung fu movies fans aren’t big purchasers of the BeDazzler. It’s also known as The Gloomy Tower, which sounds like a Stephen King book, and Shaolin Exterminator which sounds like an actual movie title.
29 – Bloody Ring (IMDb)
While this title makes me think bad thoughts, the altertnate title Magic Magicians, is a redundant expression. This does star Samo Hung. He’s good.
28 – Kick or Die (IMDb)
1 - The title reminds me of Skate or Die!. 2 – Any peril you can kick your way out of just doesn’t seem that big a deal. This plot summary is worth reading though.
27 – Swordsman with an Umbrella (IMDb)
I wear a raincoat because Wellington’s too windy for umbrellas. Oh, you don’t care? Point proven.
26 – The Leg Fighters (IMDb)
What could someone possibly have against legs!
25 – Every Victorious Hall (IMDb)
Failing to find any information on this film, I fear I will be in a constant state of bafflement for the rest of my life.
24 – My Name Called Bruce (IMDb)
At least the title They Call Me Bruce? makes sense and the movie is a comedy.
23 – Ninja Supremo (IMDb)
I don’t feel that “Supremo” really captures they significance of the boss of ninjas.
22 – Flying Sword and the Smart Lad (IMDb)
Smart Lad must be pissed he didn’t get top billing.
21 – Bruce vs. Bill (IMDb)
I could go to my local bogan bar any night of the week if I wanted to see guys with those names fighting.
20 – Screaming Ninja (IMDb and IMDb)
He probably doesn’t bother hiding in the shadows. Screaming Ninja is a title so awesome, two films have claimed it.
19 – The Fourth Largest Shaolin Temple (IMDb)
Interestingly, IMDb lists the literal translation of this title as Four Shaolin Temples.
18 – Patrol Horse (IMDb)
This film, directed by Ronny Yu and starring Chow Yun Fat, isn’t done any favours by that name. Patrol of Horses is slightly better. The Postman Fights Back and The Postman Strikes Back raise fears of Kevin Costner.
17 – Dumb Boxer (IMDb)
They said it, not me.
16 – Woman Certain Kill Fist (IMDb)
Thankfully this is better known as Sister Street Fighter.
15 – Black Jim Smashes All (IMDb)
If you call him that you can’t really blame him.
14 – Dirty Ho (IMDb)
An unfortunate title for a decent film.
13 – The Hung Boxing Kid (IMDb)
Effect of title probably unintentional.
12 – Kung Fu Master Named Drunk Cat (IMDb)
The exploits of Drunk Cat seem to be lost to the world. Alas.
11 - Shaolin Chastity Kung Fu (IMDb)
This is just a creepy, creepy name for a movie. Ladies, do not go out with a guy who’s a member of this college club.
10 – The Dumb Ox (IMDb)
He sounds like a wonderful protagonist to follow on his “journey”.
9 – Golden Swallow (IMDb)
For every unsanitary fetish there’s a website and a movie.
8 – Hero Defeating Japs (IMDb)
It’s to the point. Note: this films features ninjas!
7 – Deep Thrust: The Hand of Death (IMDb)
For every violent fetish there’s a website and a movie.
6 – Bruce's Fingers (IMDb)
When I was a kid I had a picture book called Grandpa’s Teeth.
5 – Bloody Handkerchief (IMDb)
This film should be about a trip to the doctor.
4 – Kung Fu Leung Strikes Emanuelle (IMDb)
Emanuelle, if you don’t know, was a famous French soft porn film that spawned many sequels. From this title I imagine the Hong Kong knock off involves Emanuelle “getting the bash”, as we say in New Zealand. How this film can also be known as Ninja in the Claws of the CIA is beyond me.
3 – Letter to Daddy (IMDb)
It was a smart choice to go with Jet Li's The Enforcer as the DVD title.
2 – Tough Beauty and the Sloppy Slop (IMDb)
Nothing can be said here.
1 – Against the Drunken Cat Paws (IMDb)
While Tough Beauty and the Sloppy Slop seems crazy at first glance, it doesn’t get crazier the more you think about it. Against the Drunken Cat Paws does, and that is why it is the champion!
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