Marathi Manus...Joke of the YEAR...
A Gujju, a Bhaiyya, a Bihari & Malayali died and were facing Yama.
Yama asked them if they wanted some facilities & told Chitragupt decided on their accommodation.
The Gujju said : 'Hey Yambhai, aa marathi loko toh mane
shaanti thi jeeva nathi deta. Maari dukaan fodi naakhi. Aa marathi
loko ekdum junglee chhe. Mane maari baaju maa marathi maanas nathi joto.
The UP wala said : 'Theek kaha gujjubhai ne. Shriman Yam, in
marathi logo ne to hamara jeena hi mushkil kar diya hai....eemaan se!
Arre, meri dukaan ka board bhi kala kar diya. Kahat rahi ki dukaan ka
naam marathi bhasha mein hona chaahiye. Ab ee bhi koi baat hui kya?
Mujhe bhi mere baaju mein marathi aadmi nahi chaahiye.'
The Bihari said : 'Yeh dono sajjan aadmi theek kahat hain.
Arre main thode din pehle railway ki pariksa dene mumbai gaya tha.
Raam Lalla ki sougandh, in marathi logun ne humka bahut hi peeta.
Hamaar haddi pasli ek kardi. Aisa junglee marathi humka hamaar saath naahi chaahiye.'
The Malayali said : 'aiiyoo humoko bhi marathi baaju main nahi mangta, bahto pareshaan
karta hai yeh log. kuch kaam kerne ko nahi aata phir bhi hosiyari maarke kaheta hai ki tumko
hamare mumbai se nikal dega.
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Yama turns to Chitragupt : 'Aayla Chitrya, ya saglyanchya files gheun ye re!!! Baghto ekekala'
||Jai Maharashtra| |
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Winners Never Quit
Winners Never Quit
A winner is NOT one who NEVER FAILS, but one who NEVER QUITS!
In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition for the executives of the Decca recording Company. The executives were not impressed. While turning down this group of musicians, one executive said, "We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out." The group was called The Beatles!
In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modelling Agency told modelling hopeful Norma Jean Baker, "You'd better learn secretarial work or else get married." She went on and became Marilyn Monroe!
In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, Fired a singer after one performance. He told him, "You ain't goin' nowhere....son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck." He went on to become Elvis Presley!
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, it did not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers. After making a demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said, "That's an amazing invention, but who would ever want to see one of them?"
When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times. He said, "I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2000-step process."
In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson took his idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest in the country. They all turned him down. In 1947, after 7 long years of rejections, he finally got a tiny company in Rochester, NY, the Haloid Company, to purchase the rights to his invention -- an electrostatic paper-copying process. Haloid became Xerox Corporation!
A little girl - the 20th of 22 children, was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old, she contracted double pneumonia and scarlet fever, which left her with a paralysed left leg. At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on and began to walk without it. By 13 she had developed a rhythmic walk, which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner. She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every race she entered, she came in last. Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running.
One day she actually won a race; and then another. From then on she won every race she entered. Eventually this little girl - Wilma Rudolph, went on to win three Olympic gold medals!
A school teacher scolded a boy for not paying attention to his mathematics and for not being able to solve simple problems. She told him that he would not become anybody in life. The boy was Albert Einstein!
Back in 1932 Darrow was out of a job and broke, and his wife was expecting a baby. Although he was a heating engineer, there were no jobs available and Darrow and his wife were just barely subsisting on the few odd jobs he could get as a handyman.
Things were bleak. Fate didn't reckon with the courage of this man and his wife, however.They laughed at it, literally. In the evenings, to take their minds off their troubles, they made a little game in which they could pretend they were millionaires, recalling pleasant vacations in nearby Atlantic City. They reconstructed the area adjoining the boardwalk. Darrow carved hotels and houses out of small pieces of wood, and they called the game Monopoly. Three years later, in 1935 the game was marketed by Parker Brothers, and Darrow and his wife became millionaires because they allowed adversity to make them instead of break them.
When you face adversity, are you going to allow it to break you or make you?
It's your choice!
A winner is NOT one who NEVER FAILS, but one who NEVER QUITS!
In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition for the executives of the Decca recording Company. The executives were not impressed. While turning down this group of musicians, one executive said, "We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out." The group was called The Beatles!
In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modelling Agency told modelling hopeful Norma Jean Baker, "You'd better learn secretarial work or else get married." She went on and became Marilyn Monroe!
In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, Fired a singer after one performance. He told him, "You ain't goin' nowhere....son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck." He went on to become Elvis Presley!
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, it did not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers. After making a demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said, "That's an amazing invention, but who would ever want to see one of them?"
When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times. He said, "I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2000-step process."
In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson took his idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest in the country. They all turned him down. In 1947, after 7 long years of rejections, he finally got a tiny company in Rochester, NY, the Haloid Company, to purchase the rights to his invention -- an electrostatic paper-copying process. Haloid became Xerox Corporation!
A little girl - the 20th of 22 children, was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old, she contracted double pneumonia and scarlet fever, which left her with a paralysed left leg. At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on and began to walk without it. By 13 she had developed a rhythmic walk, which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner. She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every race she entered, she came in last. Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running.
One day she actually won a race; and then another. From then on she won every race she entered. Eventually this little girl - Wilma Rudolph, went on to win three Olympic gold medals!
A school teacher scolded a boy for not paying attention to his mathematics and for not being able to solve simple problems. She told him that he would not become anybody in life. The boy was Albert Einstein!
Back in 1932 Darrow was out of a job and broke, and his wife was expecting a baby. Although he was a heating engineer, there were no jobs available and Darrow and his wife were just barely subsisting on the few odd jobs he could get as a handyman.
Things were bleak. Fate didn't reckon with the courage of this man and his wife, however.They laughed at it, literally. In the evenings, to take their minds off their troubles, they made a little game in which they could pretend they were millionaires, recalling pleasant vacations in nearby Atlantic City. They reconstructed the area adjoining the boardwalk. Darrow carved hotels and houses out of small pieces of wood, and they called the game Monopoly. Three years later, in 1935 the game was marketed by Parker Brothers, and Darrow and his wife became millionaires because they allowed adversity to make them instead of break them.
When you face adversity, are you going to allow it to break you or make you?
It's your choice!
Mathematic Magic
Mathematic Magic
259 X ( Ur age) X 39 =?
Try it and you will be surprised to see the result
259 X ( Ur age) X 39 =?
Try it and you will be surprised to see the result
Chanakya's Quotes
(Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC 75 BC)
***************************************************
"A person should not be too honest.
Straight trees are cut first
and Honest people are screwed first."
***************************************************
"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
***************************************************
"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. If you cannot keep secret with you , do not expect that other will keep it. ! It will destroy you."
***************************************************
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no Friendship without self-interests. This is the bitter truth."
***************************************************
"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply
and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
***************************************************
"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
***************************************************
"Once you start working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."
************************************************
"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
***************************************************
"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
************************************************
"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold hem.
By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."
***************************************************
"Education is the best friend.
An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty & the youth.
***************************************************
"A person should not be too honest.
Straight trees are cut first
and Honest people are screwed first."
***************************************************
"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
***************************************************
"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. If you cannot keep secret with you , do not expect that other will keep it. ! It will destroy you."
***************************************************
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no Friendship without self-interests. This is the bitter truth."
***************************************************
"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply
and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
***************************************************
"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
***************************************************
"Once you start working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."
************************************************
"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
***************************************************
"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
************************************************
"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold hem.
By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."
***************************************************
"Education is the best friend.
An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty & the youth.
Origin of Names of Great Companies by www.americangameshow.com
Origin of Names of Great Companies...(1)
Mercedes:
This was actually financier's daughter's name.
Adobe:
This came from the name of the river Adobe Creek that ran behind
the house of founder John Warnock.
Apple Computers:
It was the favourite fruit of founder Steve Jobbs.
He was three monthslate for filing a name for the business,
and he threatened to call his company Apple Computers if the
other colleagues didn't suggest a bettername by 5 o'clock.
CISCO:
It is not an acronym as popularly believed.
Its short for San Francisco.
Compaq:
This name was formed by using COMp,
for computer and PAQ to denote asmall integral object.
Corel:
The name was derived from the founder's name Dr. Michael Cowpland.
Itstands for COwpland Research Laboratory.
Google:
The name started as a joke boasting about the amount of information
the search-engine would be able to search. It was originally named 'Googol',
a word for the number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros.
Afterfounders - Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and Larry Page
presented their project to an angel investor; they received a chequemade out to 'Google'.
Hotmail:
Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing e-mail via the web
from acomputer anywhere in the world. When Sabeer Bhatia came up
with thebusiness plan for the mail service, he tried all kinds of names
endingin 'mail' and finally settled for hotmail as it included the letters"html" -
the programming language used to write web pages.
It wasinitially referred to as HoTMaiL with selective uppercasing.
Hewlett Packard :
Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company
they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.
Intel:
Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new company 'MooreNoyce'
but that was already trademarked by a hotel chain so they had to
settle for an acronym of INTegrated ELectronics.
Lotus (Notes) :
Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from 'The Lotus Position' or 'Padmasana'.
Kapor used to be a teacher of transcendental Meditation of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
Microsoft:
Coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to MICRO computer SOFTware.
Originally christened Micro-Soft, the '-' was removed later on.
Motorola:
Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company started
manufacturing radios for cars. The popular radio company at the time was called Victrola.
ORACLE:
Larry Ellison and Bob Oats were working on a consulting project for theCIA (Central Intelligence Agency).
The code name for the project was called Oracle
(the CIA saw this as the system to give answers to allquestions or something such).
The project was designed to help use the newly written SQL code by IBM.
The project eventually was terminated but Larry and Bob decided to finish
what they started and bring it to the world.
They kept the name Oracle and created the RDBMS engine.
Later they kept the same name for the company.
Sony:
It originated from the Latin word 'sonus' meaning sound,
and 'sonny' a slang used by Americans to refer to a bright youngster.
SUN:
Founded by 4 Stanford University buddies,
SUN is the acronym for Stanford University Network. Andreas Bechtolsheim built a microcomputer;
Vinod Khosla recruited him and Scott McNealy to manufacture computersbased on it,
and Bill Joy to develop a UNIX-based OS for the computer.
Apache:
It got its name because its founders got started by applying patches to code written
for NCSA's httpd daemon.. The result was 'A PAtCHy'server --thus,
the name ApacheJakarta (project from Apache):A project constituted by SUN
and Apache to create a web server handling servlets and JSPs.
Jakarta was name of the conference room at SUN wheremost of the meetings
between SUN and Apache took place.
Tomcat:
The servlet part of the Jakarta project.
Tomcat was the code name forthe JSDK 2.1 project inside SUN.
C:
Dennis Ritchie improved on the B programming language and called it 'NewB'.
He later called it C. Earlier B was created by Ken Thompson as are vision of the
Bon programming language (named after his wife Bonnie).
C++:
Bjarne Stroustrup called his new language 'C with Classes' and then 'newC'.
Because of which the original C began to be called 'old C' which was considered
insulting to the C community. At this time Rick Mascittisuggested the name C++ as a successor to C.
GNU:
A species of African antelope. Founder of the GNU project RichardStallman liked
the name because of the humor associated with its pronunciation and
was also influenced by the children's song
'The GnuSong' which is a song sung by a gnu. Also it fitted into the
recursiveacronym culture with 'GNU's Not Unix'.
Java:
Originally called Oak by creator James Gosling, from the tree that stood
outside his window, the programming team had to look for a substitute as
there was no other language with the same name. Java was selected from a
list of suggestions. It came from the name of the coffee that the programmers drank.
LG:
Combination of two popular Korean brands Lucky and Goldstar.
Linux:
Linus Torvalds originally used the Minix OS on his system which he
replaced by his OS. Hence the working name was Linux (Linus' Minix).
He thought the name to be too egotistical and planned to name it Freax(free+ freak + x).
His friend Ari Lemmke encouraged Linus to upload it to a network so it could
be easily downloaded. Ari gave Linus a directory called linux on his FTP server,
as he did not like the name Freax.
(Linus' parents named him after two-time Nobel Prize winner LinusPauling) .
Mozilla:
When Marc Andreesen, founder of Netscape, created a browser
to replace Mosaic (also developed by him), it was named Mozilla (Mosaic-Killer, Godzilla).
.
Company founder Marc Ewing was given the Cornell lacrosse team cap
(with red and white stripes) while at college by his grandfather.
He lost it and had to search for it desperately. The manual of the beta version of
Red Hat Linux had an appeal to readers to return his Red Hat if found by anyone!
SAP:
"Systems, Applications, Products in Data Processing", formed by 4 ex-IBM employees
who used to work in the 'Systems/Applicatio ns/Projects' group of IBM.
SCO (UNIX):
From Santa Cruz Operation. The company's office was in Santa Cruz.
UNIX:
When Bell Labs pulled out of MULTICS (MULTiplexed Information and Computing System),
which was originally a joint Bell/GE/MIT project, KenThompson
and Dennis Ritchie of Bell Labs wrote a simpler version of the OS.
They needed the OS to run the game Space War which was compiled under MULTICS.
It was called UNICS - UNIplexed operating and Computing System by Brian Kernighan.
It was later shortened to UNIX.
Xerox:
The inventor, Chestor Carlson, named his product trying to say `dry'
(asit was dry copying, markedly different from the then prevailing wetcopying).
The Greek root `xer' means dry.
Yahoo!:
The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his book 'Gulliver'sTravels' .
It represents a person who is repulsive in appearance and action and is barely human.
Yahoo! founders Jerry Yang and David Filos elected the name because they considered themselves yahoos.
3M:
Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Company started off by
mining the material corundum used to make sandpaper.
Mercedes:
This was actually financier's daughter's name.
Adobe:
This came from the name of the river Adobe Creek that ran behind
the house of founder John Warnock.
Apple Computers:
It was the favourite fruit of founder Steve Jobbs.
He was three monthslate for filing a name for the business,
and he threatened to call his company Apple Computers if the
other colleagues didn't suggest a bettername by 5 o'clock.
CISCO:
It is not an acronym as popularly believed.
Its short for San Francisco.
Compaq:
This name was formed by using COMp,
for computer and PAQ to denote asmall integral object.
Corel:
The name was derived from the founder's name Dr. Michael Cowpland.
Itstands for COwpland Research Laboratory.
Google:
The name started as a joke boasting about the amount of information
the search-engine would be able to search. It was originally named 'Googol',
a word for the number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros.
Afterfounders - Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and Larry Page
presented their project to an angel investor; they received a chequemade out to 'Google'.
Hotmail:
Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing e-mail via the web
from acomputer anywhere in the world. When Sabeer Bhatia came up
with thebusiness plan for the mail service, he tried all kinds of names
endingin 'mail' and finally settled for hotmail as it included the letters"html" -
the programming language used to write web pages.
It wasinitially referred to as HoTMaiL with selective uppercasing.
Hewlett Packard :
Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company
they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.
Intel:
Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new company 'MooreNoyce'
but that was already trademarked by a hotel chain so they had to
settle for an acronym of INTegrated ELectronics.
Lotus (Notes) :
Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from 'The Lotus Position' or 'Padmasana'.
Kapor used to be a teacher of transcendental Meditation of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
Microsoft:
Coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to MICRO computer SOFTware.
Originally christened Micro-Soft, the '-' was removed later on.
Motorola:
Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company started
manufacturing radios for cars. The popular radio company at the time was called Victrola.
ORACLE:
Larry Ellison and Bob Oats were working on a consulting project for theCIA (Central Intelligence Agency).
The code name for the project was called Oracle
(the CIA saw this as the system to give answers to allquestions or something such).
The project was designed to help use the newly written SQL code by IBM.
The project eventually was terminated but Larry and Bob decided to finish
what they started and bring it to the world.
They kept the name Oracle and created the RDBMS engine.
Later they kept the same name for the company.
Sony:
It originated from the Latin word 'sonus' meaning sound,
and 'sonny' a slang used by Americans to refer to a bright youngster.
SUN:
Founded by 4 Stanford University buddies,
SUN is the acronym for Stanford University Network. Andreas Bechtolsheim built a microcomputer;
Vinod Khosla recruited him and Scott McNealy to manufacture computersbased on it,
and Bill Joy to develop a UNIX-based OS for the computer.
Apache:
It got its name because its founders got started by applying patches to code written
for NCSA's httpd daemon.. The result was 'A PAtCHy'server --thus,
the name ApacheJakarta (project from Apache):A project constituted by SUN
and Apache to create a web server handling servlets and JSPs.
Jakarta was name of the conference room at SUN wheremost of the meetings
between SUN and Apache took place.
Tomcat:
The servlet part of the Jakarta project.
Tomcat was the code name forthe JSDK 2.1 project inside SUN.
C:
Dennis Ritchie improved on the B programming language and called it 'NewB'.
He later called it C. Earlier B was created by Ken Thompson as are vision of the
Bon programming language (named after his wife Bonnie).
C++:
Bjarne Stroustrup called his new language 'C with Classes' and then 'newC'.
Because of which the original C began to be called 'old C' which was considered
insulting to the C community. At this time Rick Mascittisuggested the name C++ as a successor to C.
GNU:
A species of African antelope. Founder of the GNU project RichardStallman liked
the name because of the humor associated with its pronunciation and
was also influenced by the children's song
'The GnuSong' which is a song sung by a gnu. Also it fitted into the
recursiveacronym culture with 'GNU's Not Unix'.
Java:
Originally called Oak by creator James Gosling, from the tree that stood
outside his window, the programming team had to look for a substitute as
there was no other language with the same name. Java was selected from a
list of suggestions. It came from the name of the coffee that the programmers drank.
LG:
Combination of two popular Korean brands Lucky and Goldstar.
Linux:
Linus Torvalds originally used the Minix OS on his system which he
replaced by his OS. Hence the working name was Linux (Linus' Minix).
He thought the name to be too egotistical and planned to name it Freax(free+ freak + x).
His friend Ari Lemmke encouraged Linus to upload it to a network so it could
be easily downloaded. Ari gave Linus a directory called linux on his FTP server,
as he did not like the name Freax.
(Linus' parents named him after two-time Nobel Prize winner LinusPauling) .
Mozilla:
When Marc Andreesen, founder of Netscape, created a browser
to replace Mosaic (also developed by him), it was named Mozilla (Mosaic-Killer, Godzilla).
.
Company founder Marc Ewing was given the Cornell lacrosse team cap
(with red and white stripes) while at college by his grandfather.
He lost it and had to search for it desperately. The manual of the beta version of
Red Hat Linux had an appeal to readers to return his Red Hat if found by anyone!
SAP:
"Systems, Applications, Products in Data Processing", formed by 4 ex-IBM employees
who used to work in the 'Systems/Applicatio ns/Projects' group of IBM.
SCO (UNIX):
From Santa Cruz Operation. The company's office was in Santa Cruz.
UNIX:
When Bell Labs pulled out of MULTICS (MULTiplexed Information and Computing System),
which was originally a joint Bell/GE/MIT project, KenThompson
and Dennis Ritchie of Bell Labs wrote a simpler version of the OS.
They needed the OS to run the game Space War which was compiled under MULTICS.
It was called UNICS - UNIplexed operating and Computing System by Brian Kernighan.
It was later shortened to UNIX.
Xerox:
The inventor, Chestor Carlson, named his product trying to say `dry'
(asit was dry copying, markedly different from the then prevailing wetcopying).
The Greek root `xer' means dry.
Yahoo!:
The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his book 'Gulliver'sTravels' .
It represents a person who is repulsive in appearance and action and is barely human.
Yahoo! founders Jerry Yang and David Filos elected the name because they considered themselves yahoos.
3M:
Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Company started off by
mining the material corundum used to make sandpaper.
Funny Thoughts
Funny Thoughts
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is husband
!!
Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.
I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school
uniforms.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is husband
!!
Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.
I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school
uniforms.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
Friday, February 20, 2009
EVER WONDER where we are headed...
EVER WONDER where we are headed...
..why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
..why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
..why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
..why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
..why doctors call what they do "practice"?
..why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows XP?
..why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?
..why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
..why there isn't mouse-flavoured cat food?
..who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavour?
..why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
..why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
..why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the
indestructible black box ?
..why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
..why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
..if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
..why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
AND...
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the
only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Crisps: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and
that would be how???....)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
"just" a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(now,somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a
child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
HINDI VERSION of microsoft
Mr. Bill Gates had announced that Microsoft plans to
release a
windows version in Hindi.
Here are some Windows related terms that are to be
used in the Hindi
version of
............Khidkiyan'DoHazar ( Windows 2000):
1.Phaail = File
2.Bachao = Save
3.Aise Bachao = Save as
4.Subko Bachao = Save All
5.Mujhe Bachao = Help
6.Dhoondo = Find
7.Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
8.Hilao = Move
9.Dak = Mail
10.Dakiya = Mailer
11.Paas se dhekho = Zoom
12.Door se dhekho = Zoom Out
13.Kholo = Open
14.Bandh Karo = Close
15.Naya = New
16.Purana/Khatara = Old
17.Badli Karo = Replace
18.Bhaago = Run
19.Chaapo = Print
20.Dekh Ke Chaapo = Print Preview
21.Nakal Utaaro/Kaapi =Copy
22.Kaato = Cut
23.Chipkao = Paste
24.Payshal Chipkao = Paste Special
25.Goli Maaro = Delete
26.Nazaara = View
27.Hatyaar = Tools
28.Hatyaar Khamba = Toolbar
29.Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
30.Kalti Maaro = Exit
31.Ped = Tree
32.Thooso = Compress
33.Chooha = mouse
34.Tik Karo = Click
35.Tik-Tik Karo = Double Click
36.Idhar-se-Udhar - Forward
37.khamba= Scrollbar
release a
windows version in Hindi.
Here are some Windows related terms that are to be
used in the Hindi
version of
............Khidkiyan'DoHazar ( Windows 2000):
1.Phaail = File
2.Bachao = Save
3.Aise Bachao = Save as
4.Subko Bachao = Save All
5.Mujhe Bachao = Help
6.Dhoondo = Find
7.Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
8.Hilao = Move
9.Dak = Mail
10.Dakiya = Mailer
11.Paas se dhekho = Zoom
12.Door se dhekho = Zoom Out
13.Kholo = Open
14.Bandh Karo = Close
15.Naya = New
16.Purana/Khatara = Old
17.Badli Karo = Replace
18.Bhaago = Run
19.Chaapo = Print
20.Dekh Ke Chaapo = Print Preview
21.Nakal Utaaro/Kaapi =Copy
22.Kaato = Cut
23.Chipkao = Paste
24.Payshal Chipkao = Paste Special
25.Goli Maaro = Delete
26.Nazaara = View
27.Hatyaar = Tools
28.Hatyaar Khamba = Toolbar
29.Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
30.Kalti Maaro = Exit
31.Ped = Tree
32.Thooso = Compress
33.Chooha = mouse
34.Tik Karo = Click
35.Tik-Tik Karo = Double Click
36.Idhar-se-Udhar - Forward
37.khamba= Scrollbar
Gujarati Fun by www.americangameshow.com
Gujarati Fun
An Ahmedabadi called the obituary section of a leading local newspaper.
He inquired-"Tell me, how much would it cost to have an obitualry printed in your Newspaper".
The ad clerk politely told him, "It would be Rupees 100 a word, sir!"
"Thats fine", said Lalloobhai Ahmedabadi after a moment of cost calculation.
"OK, then take them down, Jagdukaka Dead" He dictated to the clerk.
"Oh, that's all?" asked the clerk anticipating big writeup for dear ones.
"Yes, that's it. And charge rupees two hundred to my credit card, please, here is number".
"Hold it Sir, I am sorry, but I should have informed you that the Ad must be for minimum five hundred rupees and you may have minimum five words".
Lalloobhai got annoyed at the failures of his cost calculations. He blasted the Clerk, "Yes, you should have told me that, ahead".
After a moment of updating his cost versus benefit calcs, he loudlly dictated again,
OK write, "Jagdukaka dead, Honda for Sale".
An Ahmedabadi called the obituary section of a leading local newspaper.
He inquired-"Tell me, how much would it cost to have an obitualry printed in your Newspaper".
The ad clerk politely told him, "It would be Rupees 100 a word, sir!"
"Thats fine", said Lalloobhai Ahmedabadi after a moment of cost calculation.
"OK, then take them down, Jagdukaka Dead" He dictated to the clerk.
"Oh, that's all?" asked the clerk anticipating big writeup for dear ones.
"Yes, that's it. And charge rupees two hundred to my credit card, please, here is number".
"Hold it Sir, I am sorry, but I should have informed you that the Ad must be for minimum five hundred rupees and you may have minimum five words".
Lalloobhai got annoyed at the failures of his cost calculations. He blasted the Clerk, "Yes, you should have told me that, ahead".
After a moment of updating his cost versus benefit calcs, he loudlly dictated again,
OK write, "Jagdukaka dead, Honda for Sale".
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
A woman without her man is nothing
An English professor wrote the words : "A woman without her man is nothing"
On the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote : "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote : "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
So to conclude, punctuation is powerful ....
(friends read carefully there r commas in male and female wrotes ;) )
On the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote : "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote : "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
So to conclude, punctuation is powerful ....
(friends read carefully there r commas in male and female wrotes ;) )
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
sad story about father and sone .. hit my heart badly cant stop crying
While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 year old son picked up stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times not realizing he was using an iron wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures. When the child saw his father...... With painful eyes he asked 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' The father was so hurt and speechless. He went back to the car and kicked it a lot of times. Devasted by his own actions......sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches. The child had written, 'I LOVE YOU DAD' The next day that man committed suicide.... Anger and Love have No Limit - choose the latter to have a beautiful & lovely life.... THINGS are meant to be USED
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
3 WISHES
3 WISHES
One day, a girl, 16yrs old , heard from her mother that if she does a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Angel" would come to her in her dreams & give her 3 boons (Varadaan).
So she decided to do it. She completed 4 yrs successfully, doing prayer regularly.
Now it was a day for "Angel" to come. So she slept earlier with thoughts in her mind to ask. And, really an "Angel" comes in her dreams. Now this is the dialogue between
them.
Angel: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly within last 4 yrs, so I am very very happy with you . I will complete any of your 3 wishes. You can ask anything you like, but there
is one condition.
Girl: Condition!, what is that?
Angel: You have a boy-friend?
Girl: Yes .
Angel: When you were doing a prayer, he was waiting for you, so he also sacrificed same as you. Moreover, he didn’t know anything about boon and all, so he is also
eligible for the boons. So whatever you will ask, he will get 10 times more than that of you. If you are agreed, then proceed for the 1 st boon.
Girl: (After thinking for some time ...): Yes, I am ready.
Girl: 1st, make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the world.
Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times richer than you.
Girl: It's OK.
Angel: Be as you wish!
Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful girl
in the world. Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times handsome than the
most handsome boy in the world.
Girl: It's OK.
Angel: Be as you wish.
Angel: Now the last boon remains.
Girl: O Angel, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.
Angel: What? Are you sure!
Girl: Yes. Very sure!
Angel: Be as you wish .
Think friends,
what happened to her boy-friend, he got a severe heart-attack & died at once, while the girl remained alive. Thus, the girl became the world's most beautiful girl and the
richest one, too.
Moral of the story: So intelligent the girls are! Girls are really more intelligent than we believe about them to be. So be careful boys!
Now, girls please stop reading ... boys continue till the end of the mail
.....
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
Dear boys, dont worry, actually what happened is something different than what you all think! Actually,the girl's boy-friend got a heart-attack, 10 TIMES MILDER than that of
the girl. So the boy-friend lived longer than the girl, being world's richest and the most handsome boy.
Moral of the story: Dear boys, the girls are not really that much intelligent than what we believe them to be. So dont worry if you think that you have girl-friend,intelligent than
you.
Hey....I told u girls not to read......
Just for fun with truth
One day, a girl, 16yrs old , heard from her mother that if she does a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Angel" would come to her in her dreams & give her 3 boons (Varadaan).
So she decided to do it. She completed 4 yrs successfully, doing prayer regularly.
Now it was a day for "Angel" to come. So she slept earlier with thoughts in her mind to ask. And, really an "Angel" comes in her dreams. Now this is the dialogue between
them.
Angel: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly within last 4 yrs, so I am very very happy with you . I will complete any of your 3 wishes. You can ask anything you like, but there
is one condition.
Girl: Condition!, what is that?
Angel: You have a boy-friend?
Girl: Yes .
Angel: When you were doing a prayer, he was waiting for you, so he also sacrificed same as you. Moreover, he didn’t know anything about boon and all, so he is also
eligible for the boons. So whatever you will ask, he will get 10 times more than that of you. If you are agreed, then proceed for the 1 st boon.
Girl: (After thinking for some time ...): Yes, I am ready.
Girl: 1st, make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the world.
Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times richer than you.
Girl: It's OK.
Angel: Be as you wish!
Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful girl
in the world. Angel: But your boy-friend will be 10 times handsome than the
most handsome boy in the world.
Girl: It's OK.
Angel: Be as you wish.
Angel: Now the last boon remains.
Girl: O Angel, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.
Angel: What? Are you sure!
Girl: Yes. Very sure!
Angel: Be as you wish .
Think friends,
what happened to her boy-friend, he got a severe heart-attack & died at once, while the girl remained alive. Thus, the girl became the world's most beautiful girl and the
richest one, too.
Moral of the story: So intelligent the girls are! Girls are really more intelligent than we believe about them to be. So be careful boys!
Now, girls please stop reading ... boys continue till the end of the mail
.....
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
******
Dear boys, dont worry, actually what happened is something different than what you all think! Actually,the girl's boy-friend got a heart-attack, 10 TIMES MILDER than that of
the girl. So the boy-friend lived longer than the girl, being world's richest and the most handsome boy.
Moral of the story: Dear boys, the girls are not really that much intelligent than what we believe them to be. So dont worry if you think that you have girl-friend,intelligent than
you.
Hey....I told u girls not to read......
Just for fun with truth
the life of Alexander
There is very instructive incident involving the life of Alexander, the
great Greek king. Alexander, after conquering many kingdoms, was returning
home. On the way, he fell ill and it took him to his death bed. With death
staring him in his face, Alexander realized how his conquests, his great
army, his sharp sword and all his wealth were of no consequence.
He now longed to reach home to see his mother's face and bid her his last
adieu. But, he had to accept the fact that his sinking health would not
permit him to reach his distant homeland. So, the mighty conqueror lay
prostrate and pale, helplessly waiting to breathe his last. He called his
generals and said, "I will depart from this world soon,I have three wishes,
please carry them out without fail." With tears flowing down their cheeks,
the generals agreed to abide by their king's last wishes.
"My first desire is that," said Alexander, "My physicians alone must carry
my coffin." After a pause, he continued, "Secondly, I desire that when my
coffin is being carried to the grave, the path leading to the graveyard be
strewn with gold, silver and precious stones which I have collected in my
treasury. "The king felt exhausted after saying this. He took a minute's
rest and continued. "My third and last wish is that both my hands be kept
dangling out of my coffin."The people who had gathered there wondered at the
king's strange wishes. But no one dare bring the question to their lips.
Alexander's favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart.
"O king, we assure you that your wishes will all be fulfilled. But tell us
why do you make such strange wishes?"
At this Alexander took a deep breath and said: "I would like the world to
know of the three lessons I have just learnt. I want my physicians to carry
my coffin because people should realize that no doctor can really cure any
body. They are powerless and cannot save a person from the clutches of
death. So let not people take life for granted.
The second wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the way to the
graveyard is to tell People that not even a fraction of gold will come with
me. I spent all my life earning riches but cannot take anything with me. Let
people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth.
And about my third wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin, I
wish people to know that I came empty handed into this world and empty
handed I go out of this world."
Alexander's last words: "Bury my body, do not build any monument, keep my
hands outside so that the world knows *the person who won the world had
nothing in his hands when dying*"
With these words, the king closed his eyes. Soon he let death conquer him
and breathed his last. . . . .
great Greek king. Alexander, after conquering many kingdoms, was returning
home. On the way, he fell ill and it took him to his death bed. With death
staring him in his face, Alexander realized how his conquests, his great
army, his sharp sword and all his wealth were of no consequence.
He now longed to reach home to see his mother's face and bid her his last
adieu. But, he had to accept the fact that his sinking health would not
permit him to reach his distant homeland. So, the mighty conqueror lay
prostrate and pale, helplessly waiting to breathe his last. He called his
generals and said, "I will depart from this world soon,I have three wishes,
please carry them out without fail." With tears flowing down their cheeks,
the generals agreed to abide by their king's last wishes.
"My first desire is that," said Alexander, "My physicians alone must carry
my coffin." After a pause, he continued, "Secondly, I desire that when my
coffin is being carried to the grave, the path leading to the graveyard be
strewn with gold, silver and precious stones which I have collected in my
treasury. "The king felt exhausted after saying this. He took a minute's
rest and continued. "My third and last wish is that both my hands be kept
dangling out of my coffin."The people who had gathered there wondered at the
king's strange wishes. But no one dare bring the question to their lips.
Alexander's favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart.
"O king, we assure you that your wishes will all be fulfilled. But tell us
why do you make such strange wishes?"
At this Alexander took a deep breath and said: "I would like the world to
know of the three lessons I have just learnt. I want my physicians to carry
my coffin because people should realize that no doctor can really cure any
body. They are powerless and cannot save a person from the clutches of
death. So let not people take life for granted.
The second wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the way to the
graveyard is to tell People that not even a fraction of gold will come with
me. I spent all my life earning riches but cannot take anything with me. Let
people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth.
And about my third wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin, I
wish people to know that I came empty handed into this world and empty
handed I go out of this world."
Alexander's last words: "Bury my body, do not build any monument, keep my
hands outside so that the world knows *the person who won the world had
nothing in his hands when dying*"
With these words, the king closed his eyes. Soon he let death conquer him
and breathed his last. . . . .
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